Skills that have prepared me for real life.
Up until a few weeks ago I didn't really feel that I had any talents. Sure, I can whistle and hum at the same time, and I can do some flexible and frightening stuff with my spine lately, but those aren't really marketable, unless you count making fake recordings of the original Star Trek theme and going into really awful porn as being "marketable." Well...OK I suppose technically they ARE, but that's not really the way I want to make money, as both require great bursts of physical effort and would probably require fake names.
Today I'm going to make a tally of my skills, since I think it'll be good for my self esteem.
1. I know how to hem pants in a variety of ways. This is a skill I needed to learn, since I have a weird body shape and nothing fits straight off the rack. As I have no desire to shell out lots of money and wait weeks for alterations, I've learned that in addition to sewing, I can also use (and have used) duct tape, staples, gum (in an emergency), tacky glue, a rubber band around the ankle (socks will also work for this) and/or rubber cement.
2. I can shoot a rubber band with deadly accuracy by styling my hand into a sort of gun.
3. My arms are skinny enough that I can fit them into a collating machine, up the retrieval slot of a vending machine, and into the partly rolled down window of the car of some poor unfortunate soul who managed to lock the car door with the keys still in the ignition.
4. I know how to twist up my hair with any of the following: chopsticks or any sort of lightweight utensil, one pen, a pencil stub, a paperclip, my key ring or one of those pinchy file clip dealies.
6. I have mastered the art of killing time and looking busy, when all I'm really doing is making inappropriate pictures in MS Paint.
7. I can take off all my clothing while driving. Now, I don't do it all at ONCE, but a shirt here, pantyhose there, some pants...no problem! I can also put clothing back ON which comes in handy when I'm in need of a quick change.
8. I can also steer with my knees.
9. I know how to pick up tiny objects with my toes.
10. I can make first aid supplies with Purell, a hair rubber band, some pens and a few paper towels and tape.
11. I can run in heels.
These are the things I'm glad I focused on, rather than wasting my time with "neurosurgery" or "hostage negotiation." Pfffft!
Today I'm going to make a tally of my skills, since I think it'll be good for my self esteem.
1. I know how to hem pants in a variety of ways. This is a skill I needed to learn, since I have a weird body shape and nothing fits straight off the rack. As I have no desire to shell out lots of money and wait weeks for alterations, I've learned that in addition to sewing, I can also use (and have used) duct tape, staples, gum (in an emergency), tacky glue, a rubber band around the ankle (socks will also work for this) and/or rubber cement.
2. I can shoot a rubber band with deadly accuracy by styling my hand into a sort of gun.
3. My arms are skinny enough that I can fit them into a collating machine, up the retrieval slot of a vending machine, and into the partly rolled down window of the car of some poor unfortunate soul who managed to lock the car door with the keys still in the ignition.
4. I know how to twist up my hair with any of the following: chopsticks or any sort of lightweight utensil, one pen, a pencil stub, a paperclip, my key ring or one of those pinchy file clip dealies.
6. I have mastered the art of killing time and looking busy, when all I'm really doing is making inappropriate pictures in MS Paint.
7. I can take off all my clothing while driving. Now, I don't do it all at ONCE, but a shirt here, pantyhose there, some pants...no problem! I can also put clothing back ON which comes in handy when I'm in need of a quick change.
8. I can also steer with my knees.
9. I know how to pick up tiny objects with my toes.
10. I can make first aid supplies with Purell, a hair rubber band, some pens and a few paper towels and tape.
11. I can run in heels.
These are the things I'm glad I focused on, rather than wasting my time with "neurosurgery" or "hostage negotiation." Pfffft!
posted at 9:22 PM
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