Sunday
Tomorrow is my first day as a paper-pusher. In preparation for my big day, I spent the last three days drinking. Here are some of the things I learned this girls' weekend:
1. Don't drink champagne with a straw. It increases the chances of it accidentally coming out of your nose during laughter. Because it will, and it will suck, especially if there are little chunks of fruit floating in it.
2. If you're going to push a van out of the mud, you should probably be wearing pants.
3. Don't try to stick your leg behind your head after you've been drinking. It WILL hurt the next morning, even if it doesn't hurt at the time. As a matter of fact, my legs STILL hurt.
4. Red jello shots will turn your tongue red after one. Green jello shots take 12.
5. Don't have 12 green jello shots for lunch if you've skipped breakfast.
6. A diet of cheese and sangria will do interesting things to your body.
7. When the sunscreen bottle says "keep away from eyelids," they mean it.
8. Metal WILL catch on fire.
9. If you're going to steal a piece of campground property with the intent of moving it to some place comical and hilarious in the night, make sure you do it AFTER everyone in the office has left for the evening.
10. If you're going to steal property in the night, you should probably scope out the area BEFORE you run through it, in flip flops, in the dark.
11. You can't flush toilet paper in a camper toilet.
12. Before you do something dumb, make sure there aren't three people with cameras waiting to capture you with no makeup or bra, wearing a pink "sundress" and a purple towel and sporting Princess Laia hair, making a total ass of yourself.
13. It's easier to get two people into a hammock than it is to get two people OUT of a hammock. And even if person two is your mother, that doesn't necessarily mean she's going to make it easier for you. She's going to be like the Mama Hen, and she's going to watch you struggle and grunt and contort yourself, as though it's going to somehow make you stronger in the struggle. It won't of course, but on girls' weekend we're all a little lazy.
Yeah.
Tomorrow will be a nice change of pace.
1. Don't drink champagne with a straw. It increases the chances of it accidentally coming out of your nose during laughter. Because it will, and it will suck, especially if there are little chunks of fruit floating in it.
2. If you're going to push a van out of the mud, you should probably be wearing pants.
3. Don't try to stick your leg behind your head after you've been drinking. It WILL hurt the next morning, even if it doesn't hurt at the time. As a matter of fact, my legs STILL hurt.
4. Red jello shots will turn your tongue red after one. Green jello shots take 12.
5. Don't have 12 green jello shots for lunch if you've skipped breakfast.
6. A diet of cheese and sangria will do interesting things to your body.
7. When the sunscreen bottle says "keep away from eyelids," they mean it.
8. Metal WILL catch on fire.
9. If you're going to steal a piece of campground property with the intent of moving it to some place comical and hilarious in the night, make sure you do it AFTER everyone in the office has left for the evening.
10. If you're going to steal property in the night, you should probably scope out the area BEFORE you run through it, in flip flops, in the dark.
11. You can't flush toilet paper in a camper toilet.
12. Before you do something dumb, make sure there aren't three people with cameras waiting to capture you with no makeup or bra, wearing a pink "sundress" and a purple towel and sporting Princess Laia hair, making a total ass of yourself.
13. It's easier to get two people into a hammock than it is to get two people OUT of a hammock. And even if person two is your mother, that doesn't necessarily mean she's going to make it easier for you. She's going to be like the Mama Hen, and she's going to watch you struggle and grunt and contort yourself, as though it's going to somehow make you stronger in the struggle. It won't of course, but on girls' weekend we're all a little lazy.
Yeah.
Tomorrow will be a nice change of pace.
posted at 4:54 PM
3 Comments:
heh. so... when do said pictures hit the internet? cuz stepho actin a fool, GOLD I TELL YA!
Chud, you should see the collection. While these instances are not in my collection, my collection is joyous and wonderful.
Chud, you should see the collection. While these instances are not in my collection, my collection is joyous and wonderful.
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