Because of the myriad of health problems spread for glorious public viewing between Bryan and myself, I've been forced to become somewhat of an expert in the field of nutrition.

Bryan is a type I diabetic, meaning he requires one shot of insulin as a "base" for the whole day, as well as a shot of insulin from a Novalog pen after each meal, the dosage to be determined by the carbs consumed at each meal. I am a former sufferer of kidney disease, post transplant, meaning everything I learned in the hospital when I was diagnosed is wrong, and everthing I do now is doomed to heartbreak.

Apparently if you suffer from both kidney disease and diabetes, the only things you can eat are grapes (to keep your blood sugar up) and iceberg lettuce) to keep your blood sugar stable as well as balancing your potassium/protein/calories.

I have decided this is bullshit.

1)Why am I paying the Cleveland Clinic money to tell me things about the "typical" post transplant diet" that I don't need because I am technically 104 pounds, instead of the 160 I was "supposed" to be come February.

2) Why is Bryan being told by one party that the vegetarian diet is perfect for diabetics hippies, and yet being told that every food is evil by the hospital?

3)Why is every dietician except for the one I called a "miserable cunt" while on dialysis a fat cow? (Ironically the one I screamed at and threw my grapes at was the one I liked the most...and I think his was pregnant...)

It's hard to shop for food when the person who's supposed to watch calories is too skinny, the person who should be counting carbs is prone to 15 pound weight fluctuations every three months needs to "count carbs" and both of us need a delicate balance of Protein and Potassium.

Nevertheless, I am able to somehow able to glance at "The Diabetic's Healthy Exchanges Cookbook" by JoAnna M. Lund and pick a recipe that is both appropriate for both diabetics and post-transplantees, even though at one point I was told that someone suffering from both afflicitons could eat iceberg lettuce and grapes, and that was pretty much it.

At this point, if i'm not charged the $25,000 they're trying to pin me with for surgeries (and they shouldn't as I had THREE types of health insurance at the time...), I'm thinking of continuing my education. Should I get my Paralegal? Or should I go back for Science?

I LOVE Science. Obviously, it's a lifestyle for me. Nutrition, physics, chemistry...they all go hand in hand for me.

I've come to the conclusion that if I took Science and ended up as a nutritionist, I'd either gain fifty pounds, or tell some asshole doctor to go fuck him or herself, or both. Let's be honest here...I'd do both. Let's be TOTALLY honest here...I do half of the able once every few months. So while Science is my first love, not counting my fiance or Star Trek, I think as a career choice it's probably not a good idea.

But that's OK. If I did it for a living, I'd probably end up not caring, which, given my condition, is not a good idea. So I think I'll continue to watch PBS and Discovery, and yet stil push papers for the man, since that seems rather profitable. Hell, at least there's health insurance in it.

This would probably make more sense if I hadn't had that Bloody Mary for dinner, but what the hell. It's filled with Antioxidents. Antioxidents! That's good enough for me, damnit.

I'm going to bed.