A long rant about shopping, and why being a girl is hard.
The other day I went to Target to buy some underwear. Now, when I say "underwear" I'm not referring to anything exciting. I'm talking about a bag of good old dependable cotton underpants, the kind one might wear to see the doctor, or to a situation that would require one to change clothing in front of nuns.
For men, this process is fairly simple. I like to imagine men stride in, see either small, medium or large, grab the bag that corresponds with their real (or imagined) waist size and style preference and BIZAM, their loins are girded and they're ready to go get some chicken wings. At least, this is how my father and Skipper have always shopped, and if I can't judge all mankind by the shopping habits of two men who spend an uncanny amount of time watching tv shows on the internet, rather than using a real TV with a nice screen and speakers, well, then bite me. Get your own damn blog, you hater.
Anyway, sometimes women are able to do this, this stride and select thing that seems to work so well. I remember a day...I think I was about 12...I could walk in and grab some panties, size small. (I remember the day last month when I strode into the "young miss" section and bought a bra in a similiar manner...humiliating, yet simple.) Not so anymore.
Apparently womens' underwear sizes correspond with either their "measurements" (which NEVER seem to accurately match the "measurements" on the bag, since most brands are made in smart countries that value the metric system) or with their PANTS SIZE.
Excuse me while I wax bitter, but womens' pant sizes are the black hole, the cosmic vacuum, the dank basement of the fashion industry.
Did you know that if you buy expensive pants, your size will be smaller? And that if you buy two pairs of pants of the same brand AND size, they will NOT fit the same? And that jeans sizes are different from bathing suit sizes which are different from slack sizes? Yes! They are all totally different! I can walk into a store, close my eyes and grab pants at random off a rack and have an equal chance of finding a pair of jeans that fit as I would if I tried to go by the size tag.
After puberty (approximately age 20) I figured out that underpants in a size "5" would work just dandy, even though the definition of size "5" has changed pretty dramatically in the past ten years. See, size 5 used to be the smallest pants size I remember, and now if you're trendily thin you wear a 4. It's really convaluted and stupid, but needless to say this is why women need to spend five hours shopping whereas men can spend 15 minutes shopping, and 4.75 hours eating chicken wings and flipping through Maxim.
I belive the main bullet point of my story is that I tried to buy underpants at Target on Monday. Yes. That is where I was. I walked in, stared at the 100 choices in front of me for about 20 minutes, and grabbed something that seemed comfortable and modest, yet not too far into the dreaded "granny panty" territory. I grabbed the size I always wore, and proceeded to the checkout, thinking I had gotten away with making a semi-simple grab and pay purchase, much like the men I envy so much.
Nay, that was not the case. For when I put them on this morning, I discovered that some brands have LOWERED their sizes! Yes! In case women weren't already sensitive about their weight ENOUGH, now panties come in a size "4" which will accomodate pants "sizes" 0-4, whatever the hell that even means.
So I'm bitter. You know what's an attractive look? Rolling the waistband of your underwear down so it doesn't stick over your slacks, yet still having enough slack in the rear to bunch and give the impression that you are wearing an adult diaper. Hot!
I'm pretty sure this sort of sizing confusion is done on purpose. We spend more time in the stores trying to pick something appropriate AND flattering, given our variety of body shapes, and therefore we end up spending more money. Furthermore, we end up feeling self-conscious and bad about our bodies, because obviously we must be out of shape if we even NEED so many choices, and then we spend money on low carb foods, diet soda, and workout equipment.
I propose we change the entire sizing system to accurately reflect REAL measurements. I also propose that they stop making pants 10 inches too long, and that anything resembling leggings under formal shorts be burned into so many tacky, polyester ashes.
And that's how things would be if I ran the fashion industry.
For men, this process is fairly simple. I like to imagine men stride in, see either small, medium or large, grab the bag that corresponds with their real (or imagined) waist size and style preference and BIZAM, their loins are girded and they're ready to go get some chicken wings. At least, this is how my father and Skipper have always shopped, and if I can't judge all mankind by the shopping habits of two men who spend an uncanny amount of time watching tv shows on the internet, rather than using a real TV with a nice screen and speakers, well, then bite me. Get your own damn blog, you hater.
Anyway, sometimes women are able to do this, this stride and select thing that seems to work so well. I remember a day...I think I was about 12...I could walk in and grab some panties, size small. (I remember the day last month when I strode into the "young miss" section and bought a bra in a similiar manner...humiliating, yet simple.) Not so anymore.
Apparently womens' underwear sizes correspond with either their "measurements" (which NEVER seem to accurately match the "measurements" on the bag, since most brands are made in smart countries that value the metric system) or with their PANTS SIZE.
Excuse me while I wax bitter, but womens' pant sizes are the black hole, the cosmic vacuum, the dank basement of the fashion industry.
Did you know that if you buy expensive pants, your size will be smaller? And that if you buy two pairs of pants of the same brand AND size, they will NOT fit the same? And that jeans sizes are different from bathing suit sizes which are different from slack sizes? Yes! They are all totally different! I can walk into a store, close my eyes and grab pants at random off a rack and have an equal chance of finding a pair of jeans that fit as I would if I tried to go by the size tag.
After puberty (approximately age 20) I figured out that underpants in a size "5" would work just dandy, even though the definition of size "5" has changed pretty dramatically in the past ten years. See, size 5 used to be the smallest pants size I remember, and now if you're trendily thin you wear a 4. It's really convaluted and stupid, but needless to say this is why women need to spend five hours shopping whereas men can spend 15 minutes shopping, and 4.75 hours eating chicken wings and flipping through Maxim.
I belive the main bullet point of my story is that I tried to buy underpants at Target on Monday. Yes. That is where I was. I walked in, stared at the 100 choices in front of me for about 20 minutes, and grabbed something that seemed comfortable and modest, yet not too far into the dreaded "granny panty" territory. I grabbed the size I always wore, and proceeded to the checkout, thinking I had gotten away with making a semi-simple grab and pay purchase, much like the men I envy so much.
Nay, that was not the case. For when I put them on this morning, I discovered that some brands have LOWERED their sizes! Yes! In case women weren't already sensitive about their weight ENOUGH, now panties come in a size "4" which will accomodate pants "sizes" 0-4, whatever the hell that even means.
So I'm bitter. You know what's an attractive look? Rolling the waistband of your underwear down so it doesn't stick over your slacks, yet still having enough slack in the rear to bunch and give the impression that you are wearing an adult diaper. Hot!
I'm pretty sure this sort of sizing confusion is done on purpose. We spend more time in the stores trying to pick something appropriate AND flattering, given our variety of body shapes, and therefore we end up spending more money. Furthermore, we end up feeling self-conscious and bad about our bodies, because obviously we must be out of shape if we even NEED so many choices, and then we spend money on low carb foods, diet soda, and workout equipment.
I propose we change the entire sizing system to accurately reflect REAL measurements. I also propose that they stop making pants 10 inches too long, and that anything resembling leggings under formal shorts be burned into so many tacky, polyester ashes.
And that's how things would be if I ran the fashion industry.
posted at 9:32 PM
1 Comments:
The British Standards Institute has come up with the solution, defined under BS-EN 13402, which calls for a pictogram with actual measurements in centimeters. It is due either at the end of 2006 or sometime in 2007. This standard was drafted in 2003, with work beginning in 1996. Parts 1 and 2 describe the label, part 3 defines the difference between one size and the next, and part 4 is used for ordering. The definition of size 2-4-6-etc. was established in the 1950's, ignored in the 1970's, and discontinued in the 1990's. BS-EN13402 will do away with this practice by using actual measurements that can be understood worldwide!
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