The people who design mannequins have obviously never seen real women naked.
Today I was in Kohl's looking for a necklace to wear with my wedding dress that would both look pretty and cover my catheter scar, which looms like a giant cigar burn on the wall of my chest. I didn't find one, but I DID find myself standing under an elevated mannequin which had been propped up next to the Juniors section.
I for one am not a big fan of the Juniors section of Kohls, and not only because I'm 24. I guess I'm just against the idea of paying $15 for sweatpants that say "cheer" on the ass. Not that looking at my ass doesn't make people cheerful, but, you know.
Anyway, I looked up at this mannequin, which was clad in jeans and a t-shirt, which I think are perfectly acceptable articles of clothing for high school girls, except that in this particular case the mannequin was sporting some serious nipplage, of the kind that would be EXTREMELY disturbing on a 14 year old girl.
I also find it weird that the mannequin, which would clearly be around 90 pounds if it were an actual girl, was endowed in such a way that it was clearly POINTING in the direction of the slutty low-rise jeans, as if to say "these pants make me HAPPY!" I also find it bizarre that on a mannequin fitted with appropriately small breasts, given its overall dimensions, would look as though it had spend years breastfeeding. I mean, seriously. Not to get too personal here, but do a quick google image search and you'll see that anatomically they were more than a little inaccurate. Small breasts don't work that way, people. Not even in porn.
I'm not going to go all conservative, and say that mannequins should wear bras, and that nipples are bad. Hell, nipples are great. We all have them! Even my little runt cat Jerome, who is napping on my lap right now, has nipples. She has SIX. I don't think I'm too prudish about it at all. I guess I just think nipples on mannequins are extraneous. They had to go out of their way to redesign the molds, using more plastic. It's obviously a sex thing, and I don't really think putting a "sexy" mannequin in amongst the clothing for 13 year old girls is very appropriate. Put it in the misses section or something. Or hell, at least make them to scale, so it doesn't look as though the mannequin is a terrorist attempting to smuggle in artillery or something.
Mannequins are creepy, anyway. Do you remember that 80s movie where the mannequin became a real lady, and became someone's mommy, and then set a Christmas tree on fire? Maybe they're using those nipples as fire extinguishers, heeding that movie as a chilling warning of what can happen when Plastic Goes Bad. That actually sounds like it could be a semi-successful Fox sitcom.
I suppose I could go on and on, but I'd probably just wind myself up and it's not as though anyone really needs that. I'm glad I'm not built like a mannequin. I think the world probably is, too.
I for one am not a big fan of the Juniors section of Kohls, and not only because I'm 24. I guess I'm just against the idea of paying $15 for sweatpants that say "cheer" on the ass. Not that looking at my ass doesn't make people cheerful, but, you know.
Anyway, I looked up at this mannequin, which was clad in jeans and a t-shirt, which I think are perfectly acceptable articles of clothing for high school girls, except that in this particular case the mannequin was sporting some serious nipplage, of the kind that would be EXTREMELY disturbing on a 14 year old girl.
I also find it weird that the mannequin, which would clearly be around 90 pounds if it were an actual girl, was endowed in such a way that it was clearly POINTING in the direction of the slutty low-rise jeans, as if to say "these pants make me HAPPY!" I also find it bizarre that on a mannequin fitted with appropriately small breasts, given its overall dimensions, would look as though it had spend years breastfeeding. I mean, seriously. Not to get too personal here, but do a quick google image search and you'll see that anatomically they were more than a little inaccurate. Small breasts don't work that way, people. Not even in porn.
I'm not going to go all conservative, and say that mannequins should wear bras, and that nipples are bad. Hell, nipples are great. We all have them! Even my little runt cat Jerome, who is napping on my lap right now, has nipples. She has SIX. I don't think I'm too prudish about it at all. I guess I just think nipples on mannequins are extraneous. They had to go out of their way to redesign the molds, using more plastic. It's obviously a sex thing, and I don't really think putting a "sexy" mannequin in amongst the clothing for 13 year old girls is very appropriate. Put it in the misses section or something. Or hell, at least make them to scale, so it doesn't look as though the mannequin is a terrorist attempting to smuggle in artillery or something.
Mannequins are creepy, anyway. Do you remember that 80s movie where the mannequin became a real lady, and became someone's mommy, and then set a Christmas tree on fire? Maybe they're using those nipples as fire extinguishers, heeding that movie as a chilling warning of what can happen when Plastic Goes Bad. That actually sounds like it could be a semi-successful Fox sitcom.
I suppose I could go on and on, but I'd probably just wind myself up and it's not as though anyone really needs that. I'm glad I'm not built like a mannequin. I think the world probably is, too.
posted at 5:19 PM
4 Comments:
god, what was the name of that movie with woman who was a mannequin? dammit, she was a mannequin, then she was real, then she was a mannequin. what was the name of that movie? it had the black guy with outragous sunglasses, and that hot chick that turned into and out of a mannequin... god damn, i think it started with an "M"...
You're going to feel really salty if I'm actually talking about some OTHER movie where a lady turns into and out of a mannequin :)
you mean "venus"?
You have made my month, dear. Oh, speaking of nipples, it's boob checking month. Time to get your boobs checked. Yes, Garvin can help.
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