I think I'm turning into an 80 year old man. Please, if you see me hiking my pants up to my armpits, just wack me in the head with a shovel. I'm tired, my knee hurts, and I'm covered in bruises I can't explain. Also, you people drive like maniacs and there's nothing good on the radio anymore. Teenage girls show too much skin. Wipe that makeup off your face, young lady! Everything's too expensive. TV shows are loud and change scenes every two seconds. I have yogurt in my fridge that I can't eat. Everything I own is covered in cat hair. I have a weird fascination with the weather, and I like to sit on my porch and yell stuff at the people passing by. I dunk pickles in my tea.

Skipper has a theory that everyone in my generation is "elderly." Please, take a moment to examine your life, your hobbies and your complaints. Are YOU elderly, too?