Many many many thanks to those who helped us move on one of the hottest days of the year. You were all quite beastly. Next time we decide to move to a third floor apartment with no elevator, we'll pay people to do it for us.

I took today off work so I could help get everything straightened out, so you know what that means: there are still boxes everywhere. I probably would have gotten more done, but I'm COVERED in bruises, I can barely walk, and my ribs REALLY hurt. I think I might have damaged a few of them. That will be fun to discuss with my doctor on the third. He'll probably think I'm a battered woman or something, and I'll have to go talk to a therapist. Fun! So...yeah. I can't bend to the left at all, and my tendons feel like they've all shortened about two inches. My dinner tonight will be aspirin and tea.

I'm going to go throw out some shit. We sure have a lot of it. I don't know where it all came from. Vandals, perhaps?

First, happy birthday to Allie and Vikki. To see pictures of us getting drunk and playing slip-n-slide at Vikki's party, go here: http://www.bryangarvin.com. This is Bryan's site, and he also has some pictures of the kitties getting their first shots. I warn you, there's a picture of my brother going down the slide in his underwear with a beer bong, so if that will affect your delicate sensibilities, you'd probably better not go there. Not that ANY of us wanted to "go there," really.

I have my eight month checkup at the Clinic on the 3rd, or so I thought. See, what usually happens is I go in around 8, 8:30, and I get a blood test done there so they have up to the minute lab results to bitch at me about. Then I go and see my doctor. Well...that's not strictly true. I go and sign in, wait two hours, get led back to the room, pee in a cup, get weighed, wait two more hours, and THEN I see my doctor, who likes to call me "fatty" and always tells me to get some sun, despite the fact that the pills I am on can technically cause skin cancer.
Anyway, I received a piece of mail today saying that I see my doctor on the 3rd (which I took off for) and I take my blood test on the 4th. Yes. Apparently I go and see my doctor BEFORE they do the labs, because he's going to psychically guess the results. I mean, I knew they were good, but I had NO IDEA they had psychic powers! I'm kind of pissed I wasted all that money on x-rays, IVPs and ultrasounds now, you know? And hey, if they're so future-seeing, why can't they see me telling them to shove it up their asses when they screw up the schedule? It would save me a lot of bitching time on the telephone, that's for damn sure. Not that I am bitter, what with this happening for my past THREE appointments, no, not at all.

I'm wondering why I can never seem to move without getting my car filled with hornets and bees. I remember moving my stuff out of Youngstown in a September/October time frame, and there were bees and wasps EVERYWHERE. And today is no different. It's kind of terrifying, because not only am I trying to cram boxes into a Kia Rio in flip flops thanks to the 90 degree Ohio weather, I am also trying to dodge things that sting and buzz. Because a bee sting won't make me react like all you normal people out there, oh no. I'm not allergic, but my immune system is about as potent as a glass of Wild Vines strawberry wine, and it will take two weeks to heal. Meanwhile I'll have a huge lump on my forehead as though I'm growing some sort of alien baby, or giant pubescent pimple. I really don't want to deal with that. I suppose I could schedule a Cortisone shot at the Clinic, but for all I know they'd give me the shot on the 3rd and make the appointment to discuss it with me on the fourth.

Lastly, Bryan and I have registered at Target. This caused a few arguments. Nevertheless, I'm pretty happy with some of the things we selected: thank you cards, beer, and a slip-n-slide. Naturally we looked at some traditional things like towels, and we selected a sliver pattern. This sounds classier than it really is, since I think it costs all of $40.00. I figure our parents will be proud because we also selected a vacuum. We'll probably prop it up in the corner as a display of Things That Could Come to Pass, right next to a broken mug with a map of the world on it that we sloppily glued back together, which stands behind a book from the 50s titled "Our Cup is Broken." Every interior decor needs a theme.

So that's what's going on. Lots of things. Now I'm going to try to get into my car again, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all the bees have left it, because I really don't like trying to smash them. Wish me luck.

Did you know you can look up peoples' court records online?
Some states might not allow this, but in Ohio, most of our courts host online records or dockets, and it's quite a simple manner to find out lots of things about that dental group you're thinking about switching to, or if you have any outstanding warrants, or...oh, I don't know...maybe someone you're going into business with, or someone you have gone into business with in the past.

I learned these mad searching skills at work, and I have to say that this is my favorite job skill of all time, even beating out my ability to shoot the spring from my stapler over the partial wall and into the face of someone in Processing.

Before you think about searching court websites, you might want to learn a little about courts. Each county is going to have a Common Pleas Court, and then certain cities will have a Municipal court. For example, in Cleveland there is the Cuyahoga County Court of Common Pleas, but some cases are tried under the Cleveland Heights Municipal court. Or under the Parma Municipal court. There's a simple way to find out where the courts are located. Go to the Supreme Court of [your state]. See if they have a list of all the courts in the state. In Ohio, you can pull up a list of all the trial courts organized by county. Now, you need to know the county the person you're researching lives in. Google can provide that fairly easily. You also might want to search some of the major metropolitan areas, or the county they work in, in case they were once sued in connection with an employer or a tax-shelter style business, not that I am thinking of anyone particular here.

The other day I searched my own name and was particularly vexed to find that there is another lady with my name living in this city who has quite a record for Theft. And before you roll your eyes and say "yeah right, what about that stealin' bag you're so proud of?" let me remind you that 1)I usually sing a little song about what I'm stealing to the person I'm stealing it from, thus making it slightly less "illegal," and 2)my middle initial is not "R."

Anyway, I think this is something people need to know about, because if you're ever thinking of doing online dating, or really any sort of real-life business transaction, you should probably look out for your safety and your best interest and just do a little fully legal snooping around.

Bryan took this picture of the power plant. I think it's strangely pretty for a huge polluting building that doesn't even pipe power to the city it's located in.
We're moving to a fancy, shiny new apartment on the 31st. It has a pool, and a workout room, and we'll be EVEN CLOSER to the bar. I mean, not that I ever drink. Heck no, that would be unbefitting a lady. And we all know I'm a classy-ass lady if I'm anything at all.

You can check out more photos on my flickr account. http://www.flickr.com/photos/stephogroove

I think it's probable that there are a few Verizon internet users who read this site. How do you like your service? Is it affordable? Slow? Are you using it because it's what's available? How's their customer service?

Comcast is sort of like the messenger of the devil...it's not totally evil, but you'd rather not mess with it if you don't have to, and I know Verizon's seeking new areas in my county so I'm doing a little research. Comment or email me, please. The email address is on a link to your right. Your OTHER right, Harrison.

I think this picture is telling, really.

I have tonsilitis again. This time it's on the RIGHT side...hurrah! I think if I keep getting this I'll just have them take my tonsils out. Why, of all the body parts I've ever had swell up, has it only been my tonsils, my feet and/or my joints? You'd think the little guys would take a cue and be all "ooh! ohh! It's our turn now!" What's up with that, yo?

Also, Bryan and I are sort of anxiously waiting to hear back from an apartment we're trying to move into. It has a DISHWASHER! And TWO BATHROOMS! His landlord's being a bit of an obstacle, having decided to go to Eurpoe with no forwarding number to any of the residents and all. So we'll see...we'll see.

(TWO BATHROOMS! TWO!)

What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
-- I don't eat chicken anymore. My favorite dipping sass is either garlic sass on a veggie delight pizza, or ranch with Fat Billy's feta and sun dried tomato pizza. Yes, I eat at Fat Billy's. I am white trash.

Were you a boy/girl scout?
-- I was a brownie but I hated it. For some reason adults think it's cute to dress girls up in really tacky, hot, uncomfortably ugly polyester uniforms and make them run around playing "organized" sports, which is my idea of hell since I hate both the heat and sports, unless they're "sports" that involve me sitting on my ass for the majority of the time and drinking beer. Like fishing. Or Bowling! Yes, I'm from Cleveland, how did you guess?

Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
-- Nah. Lovell and Mike kindly pointed out to me that the only magazine I'd be suitable for would be either a medical oddity magazine or "Baby Face," which is beyond tacky in a way I will try to express with this thinly disguised commentary: while I love my fruits and veggies, I don't really like them THAT much, even though I hope we can still be friends. If you get my drift.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper
and mailed it?
-- A few months ago. After I took a good long look at my handwriting, I realized why I type everything. Also, I didn't end up mailing it for a good long time, because for some reason getting stamps is the one errand that I can't seem to bring myself to do in a timely manner. The post office is just so depressingly horribly managed. Yay for Government jobs!

Can you change the oil in a car?
-- No. And I have no desire to, really. I can pay to get it done for as much as it would cost me to buy the stuff, and I would probably end up breaking off one of its many many many plastic parts. Kia Power!

Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
-- Sure I have. I probably could have gotten out of the one, except the conversation went as follows:
Cop: You didn't pull over right away.
Me: As you can see, my car is filled with boxes. I didn't see your light till I
checked my sideview.
Cop: Really? I thought you were trying to get away.
Me: In a FORD ESCORT?! (insert derisive laughter.)

It was totally worth it.

Ran out of gas?
-- No, I try not to be that stupid. It'll probably happen tomorrow though, now that I've jinxed myself.

Best thing to eat for breakfast?
-- Coffee, with a heaping helping of extra coffee. I also like hot rolled oats with random stuff thrown in.

What is your usual bedtime?
-- I try to go to bed at midnight, since I wake up with the sun. Or before the sun. Really, it's too damn early.

Are you lazy?
-- Exceedingly so. If I could spend all day laying on the floor in my underwear drooling, and have someone come by and turn the pages of my book for me, wipe my chin off and occasionally change the channel and feed me, I'd be so happy. I was just built for a retirement home.

Do you read the newspaper?
-- I suppose that depends on your definition of "read." I love the newspaper, especially the Chronicle-Telegram, which is (with the exception of the Lorain Morning Journal) probably the worst written higher production city newspaper I've ever read. I like to EDIT the newspaper. I go through it with my pen and make big Xs and rude comments on the mistakes. Their front page quote the other day? "Grandma's going to shoot grandpa!" It was the most hilarious example of front page quoting I've ever seen.

How many languages?
-- I barely speak English, and I know enough Spanish to tell people not to touch my ass on the Subway. It came in handy more often than I'd care to think about.

Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
--I get the American Legion Auxiliary paper, the National News. I don't read that either. Mom and I go through it and make fun of the bad polyester Blair and Haband clothing. It's our bonding time.

Which are better Legos or Lincoln Logs?
-- Wow, this is hard. Lincoln Logs were cool to a point, but really unless you were doing a square structure you were pretty limited. Legos sucked when you stepped on them, and once my brother managed to get one stuck in his LUNG (this is the same brother who sometimes repairs NASA computers, so if a shuttle ever blows up because a Lego was found stuck somewhere in someone's computer, it was probably his fault)...I guess Legos are better from a design standpoint. But if you're going to be chewing on a construction type toy, it's Lincoln Logs all the way.

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
-- I probably shouldn't be allowed around impressionable young minds. Or old minds, for that matter.

Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
-- Ninja Turtle, princess, ballerina, that girl soccer player, forest ranger and first chair flute in the Cleveland Orchestra. Perhaps this explains my lack of career direction.

Are you superstitious?
-- Absolutely. I'm always jinxing people until they buy me a coke. That's some serious stuff.

Take a vitamin daily?
-- I take iron daily. I have yet to develop any of the outstanding physical characteristics that Popeye did, so I'm starting to get disillusioned.


What do you wear to bed?
-- It depends on the weather. Ohio is a strange and dangerous locale, where the climate can range from being a blistering 100 degrees with 99% humidity, to being -20. Within a week.


Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart?
-- I shop at Target, cause it's like the classy version of Wal Mart and K Mart. Plus they have "career" clothing I can actually wear, which is a nice change from wearing other peoples' clothes with the waistbands rolled and the lower cut tops safety pinned, or from trying to shoehorn myself into "petite" clothing, which I'm just too broad for, what with my man shoulders and my gorrilla arms.

Ever take dance lessons?
-- I don't think the world would be prepared for the kind of whiteness I'd unleash with my "dance skills."

Is there a profession that you picture your perfect future spouse having?
-- Uh, yeah. That profession would "Super Husband." He'd wear a cape, and he'd work, clean, cook, paint my toenails AND tape the Style channel for me.

Are you artistic?
-- You bet your ass I am. Just search this site, and you'll find "That's My Weezie," a comic strip I am the creater of. One look at it and you'll just give up all your own artistic dreams. Yeah, I'm that good. You can't compete. I'm also pretty mean with MS Paint.

It's not every day that Bryan irons his best blue plaid shirt to wear with his super fancy differently patterned plaid tan pants and flip-flops, so I'm surprised I had no idea that last night he was going to ask me to marry him. I mean, really, it was so obvious: the attempted ironing, the coordination, the nervous smiling and giggling...actually, that's kind of what EVERY day is like, so...no. I guess I really wouldn't have seen it coming, now that I think about it.

So, Patrick Stewart, you'd better make up your mind about this Sugar Daddy business pretty soon now, cause the line to Stepho-Town is shuttin' down.

Bizam!

I'm going to do away with the "blog" section of actionfigurestepho.com and simply leave it as the main page, and then a page of pictures. Not that I update those a lot, but hell. I figure some people are like me and are still using *cough* Windows 98.

Speaking OF...I *may* be getting a new computer on Thursday. We'll see. It depends on 1. My bank realizing that a "direct deposit" means that you DON'T have to hold the money for four days, which is a pain in my ass, especially since I have TWO of them that they're currently holding. I'm not sure what they're waiting for...the DOW? Some sort of natural disaster to destroy all the ATMs in my area so that I still won't be able to access my cash? Lord only knows. Thank you, Chase! One day I will smash all your windows with a very large rock (interestingly enough they're STILL better than the original Bank One, which still isn't saying much)....and 2. Whether or not CompUSA sells out of what I want to buy. Which I'm sure they will, two seconds before Skip and I get there. Anyway, I'm in the market. For a computer. Wipe those silly grins off your faces.