I've solved the problem.
Lately there's been a lot of talk about Global Warming, and how we're setting some record seasonal highs. (A few years ago I remember setting some record seasonal lows, but nobody bitched about that, so I suppose record cold is a boring news topic, whereas 40 degree weather in January is apparently a money maker.) I remember learning about Global Warming waaaay back in high school when I took a class called Physical Geology, or as we liked to call it, "Rocks for Jocks." Physical Geology was not so much a mentally challenging class as it was a class wherein Lovell and I had to get up with a goth kid named Nick and give an oral report on Uranus. We got a C, but only because I couldn't keep from laughing so hard I fell over when Lovell asked the teacher "how big is Uranus?" This was a class where we had so much down time that once Lovell and John Hruska shoved me under our table for fifteen minutes and the teacher didn't even NOTICE. I also remember someone getting sent to the principal's office for ending a debate with the phrase "put that in your pipe and smoke it." Actually, I don't really remember learning a lot about science in that class, come to think about it. Anyway, at some point I'm pretty sure we discussed the hole in the ozone layer, and the teacher assured us that it was Bad.
I also took a chemistry class the year I was 16, and I learned about ozone, and how it is made of three oxygen molecules. We were taught that photocopiers create ozone when they're doing their witchcraft of taking pictures and then...as if by magic...jamming up and spraying toner and staples out between one of the seams in the front. At least, this is how our office copier works. Somewhere in there, ozone is created.
So here's my thought. Let's haul a big old mess of photocopiers down to the Antarctic and set them all off at once. Boom! We've created ozone!
Furthermore, if the people making the copies are third class mail distributers, this process works even better because they'll all be up there, stuck in the southern hemisphere, and I highly doubt the advertisers are going to pay to send third class mail from the south pole. We can feed the mail to the beavers, who will put it in their dams, and the circle of life will be completed.
I personally think this is a brilliant plan, and I see absolutely no flaws with it whatsoever. Please feel free to send me money and/or food for my brilliant research.
I also took a chemistry class the year I was 16, and I learned about ozone, and how it is made of three oxygen molecules. We were taught that photocopiers create ozone when they're doing their witchcraft of taking pictures and then...as if by magic...jamming up and spraying toner and staples out between one of the seams in the front. At least, this is how our office copier works. Somewhere in there, ozone is created.
So here's my thought. Let's haul a big old mess of photocopiers down to the Antarctic and set them all off at once. Boom! We've created ozone!
Furthermore, if the people making the copies are third class mail distributers, this process works even better because they'll all be up there, stuck in the southern hemisphere, and I highly doubt the advertisers are going to pay to send third class mail from the south pole. We can feed the mail to the beavers, who will put it in their dams, and the circle of life will be completed.
I personally think this is a brilliant plan, and I see absolutely no flaws with it whatsoever. Please feel free to send me money and/or food for my brilliant research.
posted at 6:06 PM
4 Comments:
I'll send monetary amounts and nutrients soon. I love your wisdom.
Brilliant!
First, the hole in the ozone layer is in antarctica. Secondly, the ozone layer is 15 to 35 kilometers in the sky. Thirdly, although the hole in the ozone layer is not very good, fixing it won't really solve the problem of global climate change.
We need to reduce carbon dioxide and water vapor in the atmosphere to do anything substantive for climate change.
Carpool.
Scooter, you're right about Antarctica, for some reason I thought it was the North pole.
However, the whole rest of the post is clearly sarcasm and is meant to be tongue-in-cheek, based on a lot of obviously ignorant crap I "learned" about the evironment in high school back in the 90s when environmentalism was kind of fad. OBVIOUSLY I don't think creating O(subscript)3 with a copy machine is a good idea. (Not the least of reasons being that they'd all be a bitch to move!)(Nor do I think putting all third class mailers together in one area is a good idea.) (Giving an oral report about Uranus to a bunch of high schoolers is probably also a pretty bad idea.)
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