I know I've mentioned this before, but it's worth saying again. I hate bumper stickers.

Bumper stickers annoy me for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that they are distracting as hell. I for one would like to keep my eyes on the road, not on some car plastered with a thousand sayings, some of which are so hilarious that my laughter prevents me from driving in the most cautious manner possible. (For example, I once saw a van with Catholic and pro-Life bumper stickers on it. The van was filled with screaming kids, pressing various body parts up against the windows, and the mom was twisted around in her seat smacking at them. I laughed so hard I almost wet myself. It wasn't that I disagreed with any of her sentiments, it was just really funny.)

I think slapping bumper stickers cars is one way people set themselves up for irony. I see WOW bumper stickers ("whip them out Wednesday") on cars being driven by men who probably don't see a lot of women whipping them out, per ce. If you display a "buckle up" sticker, you're going to get rear-ended in your own driveway, pre-seatbelt buckling. It's not necessarily going to be your fault---that's just how the law of automotics works, at least in Ohio.

Anyway, yesterday I was stuck driving behind a van driven by a middle aged person. The van was going too slow, and he or she wasn't using their blinker, which really pisses me off. You can't do THIRTY on an onramp and then shoot across three lanes with no indicator. You're going to cause an accident, and it's going to be your own damn fault. Anyway, this person's van had a bumper sticker on it that said "Keep my American Flag off your foreign car." Then I noticed that the so-called "American" van in front of me happened to be manufactured by a company who uses Suzuki motors. I drive a Korean car, a Kia Rio, and my car happens to be manufactured by a company who has American work plants and uses American workers. So in reality we were driving the same sort of car---made in American with foreign parts. Of course, I guess it's easier to buy an 80 cent bumper sticker (bought with the purpose of offending people, mind you) than to actually practice what you're preaching.

The other day the Skipper and I happened to be discussing cars and labels, and how companies will use their name to prey on our own prejudices. Mazda? Skip claims it's owned by Ford. I'm not sure if that's entirely true since Skip claims a lot of things, but I wouldn't be surprised if there was some sort of partnership there.

This doesn't end with cars. There is an electronics manufacturer known as "LG" which stands for "Lucky Gold Star." They're a Korean company. They make cell phones, some of which are OK, some of which suck, sort of like any other cell phone company, really. LG has recently been advertising using the tagline "Life's Good," and my theory is that it's because they want it to sound more "American."

So the moral is that if you really want to take a stance on something, you should probably check it out before you slap a bumper sticker on your car, or else you could just not slap bumper stickers on your car in the first place. They're pretty tacky, and it would be embarassing to be seen driving around in a beaten up rusted out thing with a "Reaganomics" sticker peeking through all the bondo. Also, they do hurt the resale value although I suppose that doesn't matter if you plan on driving it till you can set fire to it for insurance money. Not that I would do that, of course. *shifty eyes*