You are not the epitome of all that is desirable in a human.
Hey there! You, over there! You, with the newborn baby you are about to name after yourself. Let's have a conversation, shall we?
You weren't REALLY thinking of making that poor new human being a Junior, were you? Destining him (or maybe her, but probably not) to a lifetime of being a diminutive? For shame!
I suppose if you were naming your child in honor of a favorite relative that would be acceptable. Traditional family names are OK, I guess, except that I got saddled with a "traditional" family middle name of the sort that IMMEDIATELY upon my birth allowed my grandfather to stride in and bestow upon me my very first inappropriate nickname: Fanny Liz. Maybe you should think really hard before you force a treasured family name upon someone.
What's that, you say? Your son isn't a III or an IV or other such numeral? I'm confused. I thought you were passing on a family name. I guess I can see that by "family" name all you are really doing is naming that poor helpless infant after yourself, you big egotistical prick. What did YOU do that was so great? Don't you want your son to do better than you? Don't you want your son's achievements to stand on their own, rather than years down the road people saying "Yeah! That guy was awesome! Wait, or was that his dad?"
You can't live vicariously through that poor baby, you know. Aren't you creative enough to come up with another name? There are millions out there! They're all so meaningful! Pick one! Any name but your own.
Do you know what you're about to do to that poor baby? Years from now you and that child are going to be receiving each others' mail. Bills will be lost, credit scores will be horribly intertwined forever, and arguments over who that prize money was REALLY for are going to haunt you in a little under 18 years.
I can't believe that you would assume that you are such a model of human form that you would name another being after yourself. Do you want to be George Foreman? You're not going to have EIGHT juniors, are you?
Let's put a little time into the baby-naming process, shall we? Because, while I'm sure Reginald Lauren Bottomhumper is a fabulous name it its own right, your child will probably eventually want his own identity.
Down with "Juniors!"
You weren't REALLY thinking of making that poor new human being a Junior, were you? Destining him (or maybe her, but probably not) to a lifetime of being a diminutive? For shame!
I suppose if you were naming your child in honor of a favorite relative that would be acceptable. Traditional family names are OK, I guess, except that I got saddled with a "traditional" family middle name of the sort that IMMEDIATELY upon my birth allowed my grandfather to stride in and bestow upon me my very first inappropriate nickname: Fanny Liz. Maybe you should think really hard before you force a treasured family name upon someone.
What's that, you say? Your son isn't a III or an IV or other such numeral? I'm confused. I thought you were passing on a family name. I guess I can see that by "family" name all you are really doing is naming that poor helpless infant after yourself, you big egotistical prick. What did YOU do that was so great? Don't you want your son to do better than you? Don't you want your son's achievements to stand on their own, rather than years down the road people saying "Yeah! That guy was awesome! Wait, or was that his dad?"
You can't live vicariously through that poor baby, you know. Aren't you creative enough to come up with another name? There are millions out there! They're all so meaningful! Pick one! Any name but your own.
Do you know what you're about to do to that poor baby? Years from now you and that child are going to be receiving each others' mail. Bills will be lost, credit scores will be horribly intertwined forever, and arguments over who that prize money was REALLY for are going to haunt you in a little under 18 years.
I can't believe that you would assume that you are such a model of human form that you would name another being after yourself. Do you want to be George Foreman? You're not going to have EIGHT juniors, are you?
Let's put a little time into the baby-naming process, shall we? Because, while I'm sure Reginald Lauren Bottomhumper is a fabulous name it its own right, your child will probably eventually want his own identity.
Down with "Juniors!"
posted at 2:31 PM
2 Comments:
Goodness, what about middle names? I have my dad's first name that way...
Differeing middle names are OK because then you are not technically a "Junior," which I feel is diminutive. Bryan and his dad share first names, but Bryan is not a Junior, and I think that's better because at least it's showing that the parents recognize the child just might not grow up to be a miniature version of his pop. You have to have something of your own when you're growing up, and if you can't even have your name, what can you have?
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