I imagine this is how the creation of Ohio went:

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the Earth. The Earth was without snowplowing and void, and darkness was upon the face of the day.

Then God said "Let there be Snow!" And there was snow. And God saw the snow, and it was Good. And God separated Ohio from the rest of the Earth. And the beautiful morning he called Easter. And the Darkness he called Ohio.

And the evening and the morning were the third day of the Easter Weekend Snowstorm.

I'm not a huge fan of Easter. For one, my mom works in a church and growing up there was always a lot of household stress surrounding the holiday. It didn't get any better years later when my kidneys failed and I had to spend Easter in a Catholic hospital, with nurses barging in and demanding to know why I (a Protestant) didn't want to go to mass. (Also with nurses barging in and wondering why a woman on dialysis who had to restrict her water intake didn't want to eat a lot of salty ham filled with phospherous. God, I love hospitals!)

There are a lot of reasons I don't like Easter very much. I mean, you know, aside from the spiritual resurrection aspect of it which of course is very fine indeed. I don't like the holiday part, where you're supposed to put on a lacey flowery dress and white shoes and prance around in the grass looking for crappily hidden eggs, hidden by Adults in the hopes that you kids will get the hell out of the house with your sugar highs for like, seven minutes or something. Here's a brilliant idea. Let's put a lot of pasty white people in spring pastels, even though in Ohio it's ALWAYS freezing on Easter morning! Yes! And then, when it thaws just enough to make mud, let's put the kids outside and tell them to play so we can yell at them later for getting their good Easter clothes muddy. Brilliant!

Also, WHY do we eat ham on Easter? WHY? Let's just order some pizza, OK? Pepperoni is sort of kind of in the same family as ham. Surely some part of it was at one point a type of pork. If we're lucky.

I woke up this morning and it was totally white outside. I had crazy bedhead since my hair is growing in curly, and I couldn't find my pants or my bra. I think I'm going to spend this Easter in my bathrobe drinking tea to stay warm. The rest of you can go hunt eggs or watch Ben Hur or do whatever the hell eyou people do on Easter. I'm going to silently thank The Lord for eternal salvation, turn off my phone, and watch about twelve straight hours of Invader Zim. I'll see y'all when my parking lots gets plowed in about four days.