Yesterday I tried desperately to explain to Lovell why I hate my new haircut, and I found myself having a hard time convincing him that a haircut that needs "styling" is technically-to me-a bad haircut. Oh sure, I have my other reasons. I think it's a style best suited to someone with a more angular face, with bigger eyes and a smaller nose, someone without freckles, someone who doesn't look like a pre-pubescent child. It's also a cut I didn't ask for. In fact, when describing what I wanted I said "just as long as it's not that Pulp Fiction looking haircut I had a year ago, I'll be happy." I don't really know how "cheekbone hitting bang thingeys" translates to eyebrow length thick fringe, but apparently they mean the same thing to the person wielding the scissors.

Still, while these things are unfortunate, they are not really the main reason I want to say screw it and just chop all of it off.

Because I have an amazing amount of hair crammed into my skull, it's big and puffy. It is also sort of crazy wavy and therefore in order to leave the house in the morning not looking like a heroin addict, I need to spend a lot of time drying, putting in straightening gel, flat ironing, hairspraying, bobby pinning and various other forms of torture to my poor low maintenance head.

I know for most women having to get up and "style" themselves is part of a daily routine, but I think that's stupid. If I have to spend more than ten minutes on my hair and face in the morning, than something isn't right. Lovell's response was "heaven forbid you do your hair."

Yes, heaven forbid, indeed. Why can't hair be considered "done" when it's just been washed and brushed? Why is that considered tacky? If you have the right haircut, you should be able to wash it and go. I feel the same way about makeup.

Men don't understand this, because most men don't wear makeup (although I'm not against the idea---a little concealer does make a big difference in self image)---but certain hairstyles require more cosmetics. For example, this childish fright wig of a style draws attention to my fat cheeks and my dark circles. Unless I wear some mascara and a little blush I look exactly like Little Lord Fauntleroy. I could put on some breeches and a ruffly blouse and everyone would exclaim that I'm a dashing little boy. And while it might help my career, it doesn't prevent me from shuddering whenever I pass a mirror and thinking that maybe a little lipstick would smooth it all over.

If you get a haircut that flatters your features, you need less makeup and if you get one that draws attention to your flaws you need more makeup. I don't see why men don't "get" this. Look, most of you were raised by women, you should have a little compassion in this area. You should say "wow you look gorgeous" not "why are you putting that pink stuff all over your face."

I don't think that wanting to be able to walk out of the house with no "styling" is bad. I don't think that a woman needs full eyeliner and half an hours worth of strategic curling iron use to look pulled together. I wonder where this notion came from, that in order to be classy we have to be "done." Why can't I be "done" when I step out of the shower?

Maybe it's a man thing. Do men use a hairstyle to gauge a girl's attractiveness and/or class level? I know hats aren't in right now, but what about those? Do y'all like hats? Maybe I'll start wearing them until these bangs grow to cheekbone length, and then I can ditch the blush and mascara and all will be right with the world again.

I like to think I'm just low maintenance. Isn't that what men want? Why is that considered lazy? Do you people WANT to wait for an hour for your lady to put herself together to leave the house?

Again, I say pffffft!