Yesterday I developed a brilliant get-rich-quick idea. Ready?

Step 1: Run for president. Now, if you actually "care" about your political "career,"
this step may be rather hard. You're going to have to actually voice legitimate opinions and try to kiss a lot of butt. Of course, if you don't care about re-election, you can run by pretty much saying whatever the hell you want. You could get up there and promise every household a pony and a stripper and then back out of it come your term in office. This is my plan. I will be the best candidate EVER! Instead of kissing babies, I will kiss old men. What am I going to do about global warming? Why, I'm going to pass out mojitos, for those who like to drink. For those who don't I will pass out organic lemonade. Free. I would declare my plans to make every Monday is free pie day. I will babble about firm convictions and freedom for Iraq while simultaneously talking about passing a bill to remove all the troops. I will promise tax breaks for all! Maybe I'd even appear at debates in an American flag bikini, complete with a crying eagle screen printed across the rear end.

Step 2: Get elected. I'd rig some votes if I had to.

Step 3: Take office. Here's the fun part. Once I took office I would IMMEDIATELY distract everyone from my shoddy election promises by throwing a free street party in DC. I would hire live bands to play atop the White House every night. I'd send them around to various hospitals and other sad places and become a beloved humanitarian, sort of like Jimmy Carter. Here's the beauty of my plan: whenever someone started bugging me about just WHEN I thought I was going to look at the Gun Control issue, I would retreat into my inner room, slam the door, and scream "not no, I have a belly ache!" Using this foolproof evasion tactic, I would manage to skate through four years of partying and bullshit, banking my money carefully and living off the perks of being president. Whenever asked by anyone what I "planned to do" about a certain situation, I would say "you're adults, handle it your damn selves. Now go run off and play!" Also, I would appear at all formal functions in some sort of super-hero costume.

Step 4: Don't get re-elected: After getting 0 votes the next election, I would retreat to a cabin in Maine. I'd be such an outcast that no one would even WANT to talk to me. I'll become a recluse and start some internet rumors that I have gone insane.

Insane----but rich! I see no reason why I can't put this plan to use immediately. Maybe for my vacation this year I'll don some sort of headwear and head on over to Iowa.