Ew.
I was flipping through a haircut magazine, looking for a cut that would take half of the weight out of my crazy witch hair yet not compromise the length at all, since if I just go in and ask for layers they will chop off four inches and give me a mullet. (This I know from prior experience. Also, in non-picture having haircut land, a "trim" equals at least four inches. No, I can't explain it either.)
Anyway, I was tired from working late and not eating lunch and from general angst, and for some reason it hit me that all of the girls in the haircut magazine looked like whores. Whores from Parma. Whore who have an hour and a half to spend "styling" themselves every day. (Actual tip from this magazine: "You DO have time to use hot rollers every morning. Simply heat them up while you are doing your makeup! Let your time do double-duty!" Ha ha ha ha ha! What if doing your "makeup" consists of smearing some concealer on your T-zone and slapping some color into your cheeks? What then?) Upon closer inspection of the model cuts I noticed they had the salon name and location printed on the pictures. Eighty percent of those picutures? Yeah, they were either from Rocky River or Mentor, Ohio. Meaning that there is a very good chance that many many of those models ARE whores from Parma. Meaning that for once my anger was at least on target.
Anyway, I wish they would post pictures of the actual haircut, just freshly washed and air dryed, next to the picture with the half hour of styling done to it. I can't look at a glamerous hairstyle and imagine how it will look on me, with my insane bushy hair and complete lack of effort. Maybe they should put out a haircut magazine called "I just rolled out of bed!" That's the kind of look I'm going for. How will my haircut look when I step out of the shower, into some pants, and run directly for my car? Will it stand up to me laying flat on my back on the couch watching Sex and the City for four hours straight? How about after a night of very sweaty, drunken dancing? Will it stay away from my mouth so as not to collect smears of toothpaste in the morning? These are the qualities I am looking for.
Maybe I should just buy a sassy hat instead.
Anyway, I was tired from working late and not eating lunch and from general angst, and for some reason it hit me that all of the girls in the haircut magazine looked like whores. Whores from Parma. Whore who have an hour and a half to spend "styling" themselves every day. (Actual tip from this magazine: "You DO have time to use hot rollers every morning. Simply heat them up while you are doing your makeup! Let your time do double-duty!" Ha ha ha ha ha! What if doing your "makeup" consists of smearing some concealer on your T-zone and slapping some color into your cheeks? What then?) Upon closer inspection of the model cuts I noticed they had the salon name and location printed on the pictures. Eighty percent of those picutures? Yeah, they were either from Rocky River or Mentor, Ohio. Meaning that there is a very good chance that many many of those models ARE whores from Parma. Meaning that for once my anger was at least on target.
Anyway, I wish they would post pictures of the actual haircut, just freshly washed and air dryed, next to the picture with the half hour of styling done to it. I can't look at a glamerous hairstyle and imagine how it will look on me, with my insane bushy hair and complete lack of effort. Maybe they should put out a haircut magazine called "I just rolled out of bed!" That's the kind of look I'm going for. How will my haircut look when I step out of the shower, into some pants, and run directly for my car? Will it stand up to me laying flat on my back on the couch watching Sex and the City for four hours straight? How about after a night of very sweaty, drunken dancing? Will it stay away from my mouth so as not to collect smears of toothpaste in the morning? These are the qualities I am looking for.
Maybe I should just buy a sassy hat instead.
posted at 5:07 PM
1 Comments:
Sassy hats were invented by women who, after having GOTTEN the glamorous, magazine "no-care hair cut", washed it for the first time the next morning, spent 4 hours trying to home-style it...and then realized that, despite all their heroic efforts, the only thing that would save the mess on their head was to either shave it off completely or hide it under a babushka.
Not that I'M bitter either... Really. I LOVE my new dyke haircut... and so does my GF... After all, who needs hair that LOOKS good?? (sigh...)
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