On Christmas Eve, upon learning that my mom's side of the family would not be able to attend my Christmas Lunch, I decided to host Easter. I'm not sure EXACTLY how it happened, although I remember that I was really tired and one of my Aunts---she shall remain nameless---was pretty drunk.

Yesterday at work it hit me that we had somewhere around twenty people coming over. How much ham would I need? Would the formerly accursed Lamb Cake still be accursed? I did some math and figured out I'd need approximately twenty three pounds of ham. This presented a small storage problem, since after we bought the wine and the beer and the potatoes and the bacon and the frosting and eggs and mushrooms and yams...well, how exactly do you fit that much in the fridge?

Luckily for us, we had no OTHER food in the house aside from a door full of condiments, so things fit pretty well with only a little shoving and grunting.

Then, this morning I was standing in the kitchen, all the burners on the stove firing, making five pounds of German potato salad in preparation for tomorrow. I figured I'd put the salad in the crock pot, put it in the fridge overnight (somehow---I would shoehorn it in) and then reheat it before lunch. The doorbell rang, and Bryan answered the door to find a gigantic cut fruit floral bouquet from his work wife, Anette. She thought it would be perfect for tomorrow, and she was right---it's gorgeous AND delicious, and much fancier than what I was planning on doing in the way of appetizers. (Throwing a bunch of multi colored peeps into a bowl and saying "have at.") Unfortunately it's also giant.

We figured that if we removed the middle fridge shelf and stacked the hams on top of one another, put the beer in one of the crispers and balanced the deli drawer on top of the hams that it would fit. And it does. As long as no one needs to open the door, because I'm pretty sure it could come crashing down at any minute.

I'm not sure what I'll do with the potato salad. Maybe I'll stick it out in the garage overnight. Or on the porch, with the wine! Natural refrigeration, yo.

We've taken several pictures, which I will post when I have the ability. I've been asked by some people at work to document the saga of the lamb cake---apparently many families have the same tradition, and many many families end up serving it in two parts because it's such a pain in the ass to make. Which, when you think about it, is what Easter is all about. You have to go through some stress and rage lots of bad words before you can get to the sweet, delicious, coconut frosted salvation. And even then, you'll have people whining "but I don't liiiiiike coconut!" Or "you can't use coconut. That's not how the recipe is written. You need to take the recipe literally. Any interpretation is bad." And you may have to expand your horizons and make it with Splenda instead of sugar, for people who love lamb cake but can't accept the fact that it's made with white sugar. Maybe that's really the devious purpose of this horribly fitted cake mold---to teach people the true spirit of Christianity. It'd be more effective than those horrifying pamphlets or that crappy music, that's for sure.

Or maybe I've just breathed in too much white vinegar over the course of the morning.