Awash in babies.
Paula emailed me the other day asking if she could hire me to knit her baby a little outfit for the winter...little did Paula know that I have been itching to knit baby clothes for a long time. They're small, they're quicker than knitting big people clothes, and they're just so damn cute I can't stand it. I laughed a maniacal laugh and told her I'd do it for free.
Of course, I hesitate to make baby things. Last time I knit myself a pair of socks out of pale blue yarn, people kept looking at me slyly and asking why I needed booties. I would deal with it by looking at the sock in progress, already wide enough for a grown woman's foot and plenty long, and then I would ask them what the hell kind of mutant baby they imagined I would be having if I WERE pregnant, and did I LOOK pregnant, not that you should be one to insinuate anything with THAT gut of YOURS, thank you very much. That would shut them up, as calling people fat generally tends to do. You may think this is overly neurotic and self conscious, but I swear it is not. If you are a knitter yourself, you know that people tend to get pretty nosy about what you are making. I couldn't even make man sized socks without "ooh, are you pregnant, sweetie?"
So now that I will be making actual baby things I will need to be on double defense mode. Also, I found some cute patterns that will rock for Christmas for one cousin and for the upcoming newborn another cousin is about to have. I'm going to be a baby clothing machine, and I'm afraid people are going to nag me more than they already do.
Perhaps I should stop eating at Taco Bell for awhile. I've gained five pounds, and...well...perhaps I should just try to stay skinny for a little while longer. Or I could make myself a t-shirt that says "I'm still menstruating." I could wear it while knitting little hats and footies and pants. It wouldn't be subtle, but it WOULD be hilarious.
Jen's advice is to keep the baby knitting on the down low, but I say screw that. My sweaters are not mobile projects, and they tend to drag in thing like my martini and chili cheese fries.
Oh man, I just had a mental image of myself sitting at the bar in a baggy shirt, knitting on some booties totally drunk, while some poor misunderstanding soul looks on in horror. Fantastic.
Of course, I hesitate to make baby things. Last time I knit myself a pair of socks out of pale blue yarn, people kept looking at me slyly and asking why I needed booties. I would deal with it by looking at the sock in progress, already wide enough for a grown woman's foot and plenty long, and then I would ask them what the hell kind of mutant baby they imagined I would be having if I WERE pregnant, and did I LOOK pregnant, not that you should be one to insinuate anything with THAT gut of YOURS, thank you very much. That would shut them up, as calling people fat generally tends to do. You may think this is overly neurotic and self conscious, but I swear it is not. If you are a knitter yourself, you know that people tend to get pretty nosy about what you are making. I couldn't even make man sized socks without "ooh, are you pregnant, sweetie?"
So now that I will be making actual baby things I will need to be on double defense mode. Also, I found some cute patterns that will rock for Christmas for one cousin and for the upcoming newborn another cousin is about to have. I'm going to be a baby clothing machine, and I'm afraid people are going to nag me more than they already do.
Perhaps I should stop eating at Taco Bell for awhile. I've gained five pounds, and...well...perhaps I should just try to stay skinny for a little while longer. Or I could make myself a t-shirt that says "I'm still menstruating." I could wear it while knitting little hats and footies and pants. It wouldn't be subtle, but it WOULD be hilarious.
Jen's advice is to keep the baby knitting on the down low, but I say screw that. My sweaters are not mobile projects, and they tend to drag in thing like my martini and chili cheese fries.
Oh man, I just had a mental image of myself sitting at the bar in a baggy shirt, knitting on some booties totally drunk, while some poor misunderstanding soul looks on in horror. Fantastic.
posted at 3:27 PM
1 Comments:
I am telling you - even if you are drinking and smoking and asking random strangers to borrow tampons - people are going to assume you are with child if you are knitting for one.
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