No updates
I don't really have anything to update about, but that's boring. I suppose there are a few updates in my life but they're all pretty egocentric and have nothing to do with society at large. Therefore, I will make up updates and you will like them.
On Monday I discovered an island. I was at my office, and I decided to take a walk down to Quiznos to get some forty cent ice tea. Random thought: would 50 Cent the rapper but less hip if he called himself 40 Cent? Anyway, I tripped on my way down the stairs and instead of landing on metal and people, I landed on a stretch of forested dirt surrounded by a lake of Champagne. The natives were all dressed in Armani and had really sharp haircuts. I felt quite out of place in my deceptively sized pants (sooo not the size the tag says they are) and "wear to work" top I got at Target for $3. I looked up and asked them if they had 40 cent ice tea, and they told me that in their land, ice tea costs $15. They picked me up off the ground and kicked me back into the lobby. And that's how I ended up with stains all down my front. Don't listen to those naysayers who swear it was because they saw me drop a chili dog.
Yesterday morning I grew a third arm. I swear it's true! When I woke up this morning it was gone.
Tomorrow I'm going to change my name. I know, I know, I didn't even legally change my name when I got married. (Seriously---why do people just expect that a woman should do that? Maybe I expect that a man should always be 6'1" and buff and bring flowers everyday and he will have a voice like Josh Groban. That just goes to show you where your expectations will get you.) But tomorrow I will change my name. I'm going to be Bryan. And Bryan is going to be Stephanie. Oh...he doesn't know this yet. Let's make it surprise.
Oooh! Also, I started an organization. I can't believe I haven't blogged, what with all these new updates. I'm starting an organization where people can sit around, drink coffee, and whine about people who whine. Won't that be fun? Half an hour of each meeting will be devoted to talking about how we're so much better than everyone else. And the laugh half hour will be about how we should be the ones in charge of running things. We eat soup, in addition to drinking coffee. Membership costs $20. You should probably just mail it to me now.
On Monday I discovered an island. I was at my office, and I decided to take a walk down to Quiznos to get some forty cent ice tea. Random thought: would 50 Cent the rapper but less hip if he called himself 40 Cent? Anyway, I tripped on my way down the stairs and instead of landing on metal and people, I landed on a stretch of forested dirt surrounded by a lake of Champagne. The natives were all dressed in Armani and had really sharp haircuts. I felt quite out of place in my deceptively sized pants (sooo not the size the tag says they are) and "wear to work" top I got at Target for $3. I looked up and asked them if they had 40 cent ice tea, and they told me that in their land, ice tea costs $15. They picked me up off the ground and kicked me back into the lobby. And that's how I ended up with stains all down my front. Don't listen to those naysayers who swear it was because they saw me drop a chili dog.
Yesterday morning I grew a third arm. I swear it's true! When I woke up this morning it was gone.
Tomorrow I'm going to change my name. I know, I know, I didn't even legally change my name when I got married. (Seriously---why do people just expect that a woman should do that? Maybe I expect that a man should always be 6'1" and buff and bring flowers everyday and he will have a voice like Josh Groban. That just goes to show you where your expectations will get you.) But tomorrow I will change my name. I'm going to be Bryan. And Bryan is going to be Stephanie. Oh...he doesn't know this yet. Let's make it surprise.
Oooh! Also, I started an organization. I can't believe I haven't blogged, what with all these new updates. I'm starting an organization where people can sit around, drink coffee, and whine about people who whine. Won't that be fun? Half an hour of each meeting will be devoted to talking about how we're so much better than everyone else. And the laugh half hour will be about how we should be the ones in charge of running things. We eat soup, in addition to drinking coffee. Membership costs $20. You should probably just mail it to me now.
posted at 8:07 PM
2 Comments:
that organization you started... was started years ago, in every bar. ever. fact.
Enough with this "no updates" piffery! Show us the zoo pictures!
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