The Wii fit arrived yesterday. I've played it a few times before, and have experienced firsthand the creepy noise it makes when you step on the balance board ("ooh!"), the way it forces you to set fitness "goals" and the way it makes comments such as "wow, balance isn't your strong suit, is it?" The Wii Fit is kind of an asshole. Nevertheless, it's an asshole that provides feedback on how well you are doing certain exercises, and allows you to pair certain exercises in conjunction with another for a better workout. It measures results and is fun, rather than repetitive and boring. A good tool, or so I imagined.

Well! Tool is CERTAINLY the right term! Garvin just logged in and it asked him "What do you think about Stepho's posture lately?" The Wii GOSSIPS between users! And not only that, he had to ENTER IN HIS ANSWER. Meaning when I log in, it's going to say something snotty like "sooo, Garvin thinks your posture sucks. Maybe you should do more yoga."

Furthermore, the Wii is connected to other Wiis via the internet. I wonder if our Wii is chatting with Jeli's Wii. "Did you know that Stepho always chooses +4 pounds for her clothes, even when she's in her underwear?" "Yeah! Sue/Jen/Ali does the same thing!"

Ha ha ha! Garvin just stepped on and it told him he gained three pounds (probably from drinking two large glasses of water right before stepping on.) He just had to enter a reason and listen to a lecture on Base Metabolic rate. Ha ha ha ha ha! Serves you right, Gossipy McGossips!

I wonder if, when it asks me to explain my bad balance, I can enter in "cat insists on sitting on left side of balance board?"

I don't really have anything to update about, but that's boring. I suppose there are a few updates in my life but they're all pretty egocentric and have nothing to do with society at large. Therefore, I will make up updates and you will like them.

On Monday I discovered an island. I was at my office, and I decided to take a walk down to Quiznos to get some forty cent ice tea. Random thought: would 50 Cent the rapper but less hip if he called himself 40 Cent? Anyway, I tripped on my way down the stairs and instead of landing on metal and people, I landed on a stretch of forested dirt surrounded by a lake of Champagne. The natives were all dressed in Armani and had really sharp haircuts. I felt quite out of place in my deceptively sized pants (sooo not the size the tag says they are) and "wear to work" top I got at Target for $3. I looked up and asked them if they had 40 cent ice tea, and they told me that in their land, ice tea costs $15. They picked me up off the ground and kicked me back into the lobby. And that's how I ended up with stains all down my front. Don't listen to those naysayers who swear it was because they saw me drop a chili dog.

Yesterday morning I grew a third arm. I swear it's true! When I woke up this morning it was gone.

Tomorrow I'm going to change my name. I know, I know, I didn't even legally change my name when I got married. (Seriously---why do people just expect that a woman should do that? Maybe I expect that a man should always be 6'1" and buff and bring flowers everyday and he will have a voice like Josh Groban. That just goes to show you where your expectations will get you.) But tomorrow I will change my name. I'm going to be Bryan. And Bryan is going to be Stephanie. Oh...he doesn't know this yet. Let's make it surprise.

Oooh! Also, I started an organization. I can't believe I haven't blogged, what with all these new updates. I'm starting an organization where people can sit around, drink coffee, and whine about people who whine. Won't that be fun? Half an hour of each meeting will be devoted to talking about how we're so much better than everyone else. And the laugh half hour will be about how we should be the ones in charge of running things. We eat soup, in addition to drinking coffee. Membership costs $20. You should probably just mail it to me now.